Life

Life -love, pain, smiles, tears, and so much more. I use this page to let go of bitter and sweet and that i think is all I will use it for.

I think I’m okay, or at least I hope

I don’t feel like talking about it, but I think it’s better I do. My boyfriend of two years just broke up with me, and it was over the phone. It’s starting to sink in but it was bound to happen. I was being a bad girlfriend and I know I was. I didn’t really mean to be, however I didn’t know how to tell him how I felt sometimes and I guess that’ll never happen. At the moment I think I’m okay I just need to get a bit centered and to soak the situation in. It’ll be weird not having him in my life so I guess it’ll be awkward for a while. Love, I just figured out is lined up with pain and confusion, and the line, I know now, is very slim. Even though it hasn’t bitten my heart all the way through yet I just know it’s going to be a journey with lots of bumps in the road.

CONTINUED part of the note Below

She grinned, Violet pointed at the end of the couch, “Is the spot open?” He scooted more into the couch to give her room to sit beside him and she shrunk back but then she figured it was better than the floor. She sat down near his plate and sat hers next to his. The unnamed man swung his feet onto her lap. She almost frowned expecting stinky man feet but in turn noticed neatly trimmed and clean feet. Violet started to cut out a piece of her apple pie, and as she took the fork to her mouth the ebony haired man bent down and bit onto the piece. “Hey!” The man kept in a small chuckle as he noticed something. “Violet…What a pretty name, it even fits the colors of your eyes.” He grabbed a few strands from her hair and smelled. “Your hair even smells like apples, mmm.” Violet nearly shivered as his breath played with her neck. “Um, thanks for letting me sit here.” She tried changing the focus of his words, for she was nearly a fierce red. “Oh, I’m not just sharing the couch, I’m sharing the world.” Everyone at the couch stopped and glanced over at the man. Violet shrank where she sat and nearly chocked on her other piece of apple pie. Violet felt like a whole world crashed around her, for the man had seen the violet color of her eyes. She held her breathe as she was absurbed for a reaction. ” Woah! Shawn’s really pulling the moves, awe and I was taking an interest in her.” Charlie entered the room with Robin in his embrace. The two were nearly waddling as they walked awkwardly to the side where Shawn and Violet were nearly entangled. “well then, Violet you’ve met the guys, do you think you’d like to hear them?” The boys all got up except for Shawn who still had one of his hands in Violet’s hair. Violet put her plate on the coffee table, “yeah, that would be great. You’re going to be playing to right?” Robin looked up at Charlie,”you’re playing with them? Oh My! Now this is going to be party.” Charlie looked at the band, “Well are you guys up to having me play with you?” They all looked at each other with grins, “why not? Besides last time was a blast! So Violet are you going to be at the party?” Mark stuffed a handful of strawberries in his mouth as he agreed to Charlie’s request. “Of Course the gig is for her brother’s Party!”, Charlie smiled at the group as they realized who Violet was. “oh we just flirted with the customer, well we won’t charge much for Charlie’s sake and it’s just a bonus that the host is a hottie” William gave a cheeky smile as Violet tossed a pillow at him. Shawn held his breadth from the view. Violet had bent to the floor to reach for the pillow agian before William had the chance and she had her rear right literally in Shawn’s face. “oh, someone is enjoying the show, isn’t he Mark?” George smiled at the red-faced Shawn. “Shut up!”, Shawn tried to look away as Violet missed the pillow. Mark started to giggle, ” Wow, Charlie aren’t you going to do something?” Charlie looked at the picture and started to lead Robin back into the kitchen, ” Nah, Besides I think this is something that would help her…”

Mark gave a questioning glance at Charlie and Charlie shrugged in a fragrance of concern for Violet. Violet had finally reached the pillow and fell on the floor as she wrapped her hands around an edge. The fall came with a soft tumble noise and an oof! as Violet fell onto Shawn. Violet shook her hair and looked down at what had stopped her fall. She looked to find Shawn’s glowing red-brown eyes smoldering at her. “How’d you?!” she scratched her head in confusion. “…um….thanks, for breaking the fall.” Violet sat up only to find it more awkward. She now sat on his stomach right above his waistline. She blushed a hue of red as she realized that she had landed on Shawn, who had seemed to rescue her from a tumble onto the wood floor. “no problem, wow, you really are pretty.” His eyes soaked up her image her hair hanged down below her waste and her eyes seemed to give off a light violet color. ” don’t look, please.” She seemed to beg as she blushed more. Shawn pushed his back up so he was sitting. Violet gasped as she slid down on to his lap. “Eep!” The confident girl now found herself on his lap and tried to stand up. Shawn seeing her temptation to get away grabbed her left wrist and hugged her close with his other arm and surrounded her in his arms. The world dissolved around them as they both took in eachother’s scents. Violet smelled of apples, she loves apples and as she smelled Shawn she smelled a musky scent that overwhelmed her senses. “Axe?” She questioned. “Mmm, yep it’s their chocolate and leather one.” Shawn glanced down at Violet and she realized who she was hugging. Springing up in a jump she toppled into her spot and pushed her self up against the back of the coach. Shawn looked at her with his dark eyes and blushed at his rashness. All of the others looked at the pair. George was the first to speak, “well, then I lost.” He smiled at Mark who looked lost. “what was that?!” William was the most shocked. ” Sacre Blue! Seems I lost too.” They all smiled and stared at the screen where the sponge and star seemed to be enjoying the jellyfish’s stings. Shawn sat next to Violet, “Sorry, I don’t know what came over me…Um I’ve never really dated before but will you maybe come out to eat with me sometime?” Violet’s mouth dropped as everyone else’s did too. “dang, dude slow down! You want to take the customer out on a date?” George looked beyond shock. Violet looked over to Shawn, ” Shawn? Are you playing with me?” The question seemed to startle Shawn. “No! I would never, it’s just you make me curious and the more curious I get the more I can’t control what I feel like doing.”

Charlie entered the room and as if he had heard everything that Shawn had said he walked over to Shawn and Violet. “Why not Violet, Shawn’s genuine, good-hearted and you need to get out of the house.” He teased and she glanced up at him then to Shawn. Shawn smiled at her and held out his hand, ” How about it? I’ll even try to control myself. It won’t be that big either, I just want to get to know you.” Shawn held out both arms now. Violet felt guilty at first but knew she needed to get away from poison memory’s so she scooted into his arms again, ” I’m damaged goods. Are you okay with that?” Shawn frowned, “Aren’t we all and I find nothing wrong in that but I’d like to know the story behind the damage if I can sometime. Wouldn’t have to be when we go out but I’d really like to know you.” Violet looked up at Shawn, “why?” He looked at her, “well, first reason just by your looks I can smell an interesting story.” She shrugged and drank more of her apple juice. All of the band and Charlie looked at the pair, they seemed to huddle as they talked. Charlie looked up and took on more of a father’s tone, “just make sure to have her back to her place by two am, and No lemons this time out. She’s available tomorrow night so swing by maybe five pm. Sound good?” Shawn smirked, ” wow, so your going to be the dad? okay, so five tomorrow night sound good?” He glanced down at her and she couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, do you know where I live or would you like me to give you the directions?” Charlie interupted, ” Hey Shawn you have a car right?”Shawn looked up puzzled. “Yeps, just got the breaks fixed.” Charlie smiled, “good, if you drive Violet home then you’ll know where to head tomorrow.” Violet sat up, gaining a few inches,”Charlie are you staying here?” Charlie smiled, ” Most definately! My little Robin plans to cook dinner and I can’t help but assist. Since you have to go to the supermarket and grab decorations I think you should probably go home early so you can hide them before your brother gets home from work.” Violet nodded, She was always glad that Charlie seemed to be able to think miles ahead.”Where would I be without you Charlie?” Violet cooned sarcastically. “Oh, dear you would be in Wonderland without dear old me.”

Will write more later~


UN-titled at the moment but planned to be named soon

The girl leaned her white hair back on to the cold bench as she waited. She seemed to have been waiting for quite some time in the winter chill. She even felt frost bitten as she rubbed her bare hands together for warmth. She was very slim and tall, cloaked in black to absorb the sun’s heat. Her black attire was made of a leather trench coat that corseted up her hips to her chest and at her chest she had a silver pendant necklace that hanged just under her chest bone, along with her coat hers legs were hugged by tight black jeans. She was pale and kept a long  silhouette of silky white hair. Her hair was not ordinary but she felt no desire to dye it different then it was naturally. She isn’t albino either, she just was born skinny and literally pale. Her lips were a puckered and pained pink covered in glossy red. Her smile was not there for she was tired of the wait on the freezing bench. Her friend had promised to meet her there to plan out her brother’s birthday party, sadly it seemed he was near thirty minutes late.

“He’s late…I swear if my computer gets damaged from the cold he’s buying me a new one.”, she nearly whispered it as she became irritated with her friend’s lack of awareness of time. As she went to check on her laptop a pair of leather coated arms reached around her in a hug. ” i hope I’m not the one that has to buy you a new laptop.” The Girl with white hair swung at him as he jumped back, and she smiled as he looked surprised. “didn’t you miss me? oh, come on just a bit?” He tipped his head and grinned a cheeky smile. The girl laughed a sweet melody and she joked, ” not the tiniest bit, why are you so late anyways?” He walked apologetically by her side as they made their way out of the park. “Sorry, My mother wanted me to finish the dishes…my, you look cold, how long were you out here?”, he took off one of his layers of many coats and placed it on her. She wrapped it around herself tightly, ” Sadly, I got here about an hour early.” He grimaced as he realized she was shivering with a terrible shake. “goddess, come here love.” He rubbed her shoulders and she started to warm. “how about we go to the cafe near by?”, she nodded to his suggestion and they began there brisk walk to the cafe.

They entered the warm place with peachy cheeks and ordered two english toffee coffees with one jumbo cookie and sat down at a booth. They waited on their order to be made and when they were brought there usual, they began to talk about their plans for the party. ” So, I’ve been thinking do we want to make this big or small?” Her eyes sparkled with ambition. “with that look I’m guessing you want to make it big.” It wasn’t a question. Violet drank some of her coffee and smiled, “yeps, not to big but I want it to be nice and charming, besides my brother is going of to college I want him to remember us in a good way.” “wow, you really do care for him a lot.” “yes, even though we fight to often I care about him more then anyone else.” His eyes glistened in approval to her honesty, “I’m happy you asked me to help, so what part do I play in this plan of yours?” she clicked on her computer and showed him a page, that she typed up of things to do, “any of these that you can help with I’d be happy for, I have so much to do in a month.” “hey, whatever violet needs, she’ll get. You have so much on your plate, I’m really happy that you asked for any help at all. I mean you did just have your heart broken.” The happiness in the air faded away as soon as he mentioned of the week before. She had a pained expression on her pretty face. “Oh my Goddess…I’m so sorry, I forgot that your still a bit fresh.” Her smile came back forced, “no, no it’s all good, I’ve just been wallowing a bit, I mean there’s going to be pain after four years of having him…well let’s get back to the party plans.” She turned the screen so he could see and he looked it up and down. ” oh, I can definatley to some of these. Balloons will be easy and I can sure as hell give you some plates, I still have some from my graduation party.” She glistened in happiness, “that’s good that means all I need is the streamers, and would you happen to know any good bands around? I want to get him live music to make it more special.” Charlie thought hard about any bands that Violet’s brother may approve of. After looking through his contacts he stepped out for a bit and made a call. He came in and sat down with a light swing. “so party planner do you want to meet the Silver Millennium?” she nearly jolted with the pen in her mouth, after spitting out the pen in a gag she chugged a bit of the coffee to sooth her coughing. “What??!!!! Really?! you’ve got to be kidding me, that would be unbelievable.” His 23-year old eyes crinkled in joy, “well then grab your cookie and coffee and follow me.” He paraded her to the street and called a taxi, ” My cousin dated their drum player and at one point they asked me to sub for him in a gig. After that they said that I could call them anytime for a favor. They luckily were staying in a hotel nearby for recording.” Violet looked at Charlie with awe, “you played with silver millennium?! Charlie I never knew you played anything, what do you play?” He wiggled his eyebrows, ” the sexy guitar.” “Really, I hope you can play at the party too.” “oh… since you asked, I’ll even check with them if it’s okay to do that.” She smirked and hugged him, he at first was surprised but hug her back. “Charlie thanks, thanks for this especially but also still being my friend. I lost a lot of people since of the break-up.” He hid a frown and nodded. “No problem, you deserve it princess.”

The cab slowed at a hotel downtown next to a couple of restaurants, it was a bit shabby but as they walked into the entrance Violet noticed that the lobby was elaborate and fancy. “wow, I thought we were walking into a rundown apartment complex but this is so…” Charlie interrupted her nearly giggling, “smart?” she kept in a laugh, “yeah…” Charlie took her hand and pulled her to the elevator and dialed in floor thirteen. “thirteen? I thought no Hotel’s have a floor thirteen.” Charlie held in an even bigger fit of laughs, ” well when you meet SM you’ll figure the floor quite fits them.” He led the confused Violet into the elevator.

Minutes later they were walking into a dim hallway and could smell cinnamon coating the air in a daring scent combined with apples. “Seems like Robin’s cooking apple pie again. She always uses quite a generous amount of cinnamon.” Charlie walked over to the only door at the end of the hallway and knocked three knocks. Violet held in a breathe as she barely heard faint clacks towards the door. “hey it’s okay to breathe, you know that right?” Violet exhaled and she gave a play hit towards Charlie. The door opened with a female with dark ebony, short hair, pink pj’s with printed on bunnies, and she wore white bunny slippers. “oh, Charlie! what a surprise the boys didn’t tell me that you’d be here…My Goddess I’m still wearing my PJ’s, what a shame. When I get a hold of them I’m going to…” she paused as she saw Violet behind Charlie. “Well then who’s this? Now I’m not even going to be nice to those hooligans! dressed in PJ’s in front of someone I don’t even know yet. Quite the first impression, I’m must say. Hello, miss my name’s Robin. I’m the SM’s House keeper.” “Hi, I’m Violet.” Robin gave violet a short hug and started talking to Charlie. Violet examined the pair with genuine interest. Charlie had warmed cheeks with tints of red as Robin Hugged him. In her three years of knowing her brother’s friend she had never seen take an interest in anyone but with Robin he seemed to warm up. She smiled, they seemed a good match. Charlie with a hard to get to personality and Robin with what looked like a motherly openness. Robin looked near twenty five, which was only two years older then what Charlie was. She was a healthy skinny and maybe about four foot six and her dark brown hair hanged right under her ears. Charlie in comparison was very tall, near six foot two, he had short spiked bleached hair and wore a warm gray t-shirt under his other coat. He also wore a pair of dark blue denim pants. Violet took off Charlie’s coat and handed it to him, Robin smiled and pointed to the kitchen, ” Well seeing how the lazy bums are probably watching T.V. instead of getting up and saying Hi, you may help yourself to some apple pie and bud-light, then go join them. Their room is right down the hallway going out from the kitchen.” Charlie smirked, “Um…Robin would you happen to have anything else on drinks? Violet’s not even eighteen yet.” Robin blushed, “my, my, I’m so sorry I thought you were old enough, well sweety we have some juice in the fridge too just make sure not to get into the lemonade it has some vodka in it. Gosh, i could have sworn you were old enough, you’re so tall and you look so mature too.” Violet smiled and chuckled as she walked into the kitchen. She guessed that many have thought of her as older. She was nearly as tall as Charlie, about one more inch without the heals and she would be his height. At the moment though she wore 3-inch heals that made her appear to be six foot four. She loved her height but at times it made her feel self-conscious. Many people would ask if she considered modeling too, she was beyond the average pretty and she could walk graciously already like a scary night hunter. As she reached the kitchen counter her mouth watered to the irresistible smell of apples covered in a pastry with cinnamon syrup. She grabbed a plate from the counter and cut a slice with the knife left out next to the apple pie. After grabbing a fork also she went to the fridge and took some apple cider. Violet became a little nervous as she went into the hallway but after a few breathers she was calm and confident. She heard Sponge Bob Square Pant’s theme song playing and she nearly toppled over in her loss of balance. She knocked on the door and as she heard a deep voice reply, “come in.” she opened the door too a spacious den. The den was painted Black and had one wall fully made out of glass that looked out on to the city. It also had a gigantic T.V. that shown sponge bob and patrick trying to catch a jelly fish near Squidward’s house. The four men looked up at her and looked up and down at her. She was nearly disgusted but appreciated their interest in her appearance. She also thought of the fact that it’s not your average day when you meet a chick who has white silky long hair and a complete black outfit that cost her nearly half a year’s savings. The trench coat was a custom order and her pants were also custom made to fit her legs. They all waved and smiled, then one guy walked in behind her. “Move gazelle I got things to do and no time to stand and gawk.” She was surprised by his rudeness but was too taken back by the men at the L-shaped couch. The four grimaced at the man behind Violet, who shuffled by as she stepped aside. He wore square glasses that made his eyes look buggy and his outfit screamed my mom dresses me still but Violet didn’t feel like saying it out loud. He was considerably short, more short then even Robin and he hobbled away into a room connected to the living room. She then turned her attention back to the four men, one of them was still looking adgitated by the short man that had exited but put a smirk on his face as he talked to her, “don’t mind him, he’s a bit grumpy in the morning and a bit stuck up since he’s the ‘manager’…so what’s the name sweet-stuff?”She walked closer to the coach and started getting some goosebumps on the bare skin that showed through on her pants legs. ” Violet.”

“well, hello there Violet.” one of the older ones with glasses smiled at her. His name was George and he was their Drums, and the one that had supposedly dated Charlie’s sister. His glasses were more half circle and tinted a bit to give the glass a silver smoke color. He was still in his night wear, which was a dark blue fleece long sleeve with brown flannel checkered Pajama bottoms. George had a pair of hazel eyes and his hair was medium lengthed dirty blonde that had dips of dark brown on the tips. The one next to him was smaller framed and looked almost middle-schooler sized. He was skinny and wore the same out-fit but with different colors. His eyes were a golden yellow and the colors he wore were grey-blue for the top and navy blue for the the bottoms. He smiled shyly and said a faint, “Hi!” and looked back at the screen only to glance back at her secretly.  George leaned up on him and swung an arm around the boy next to him, “This is Mark and he’s my little Bro, see we have the same hair. My name’s George, but you can call me Georgie, no just kidding but yeah welcome to our den.” Mark squirmed out of his hold and watched the screen intently as if he was to embarased by his brother’s attention. Violet did then notice that they were brothers not just by their hair but by how they both were in about the same outfits and how they both gave an akward grin off that could sets anyone’s heart askew with delight. Violet also noticed that there was a difference though, George seemed confident and Mark seemed to like to hide in his brother’s shadow. George spoke again, “Mark is about sixteen but he’s terribly good with the Piano we couldn’t help but snatch him, and I play the drums.”He grinned and the guy next to mark looked up at her through and up-side down stare and smiled, ” hmm, tu es belle, even when I am looking form here.” She blushed from his boldness for Violet had a cousin that took french and had told her that what he said meant ‘you are beautiful’. She smiled and he gave a skilled wink that seemed not to take any effort. Mark giggled, ” William, is the only time you use french when your flirting with girls?” William tossed a pillow at Mark who caught it and hugged it to himself playfully. Mark stuck his tongue out at William as he crossed his legs crisscross around the pillow. George smiled, “Yeah William over there is a big flirt but he’s very nice and good at massages, if you know what I mean. Hey, can you get my left shoulder please?” William grinned,”No thank you, besides last time I did that you called me gay.” William didn’t look french but he didn’t have hints of Brittan in his accent. He was tan and had Chestnut brown hair that was in curls, his hair also contained black spikes. He wore a white Tank top with Light blue flannel pants that hanged right near his ankles. He gave another wink towards violet then began to eat a toaster strudel.  The three began to argue playfully again and seemed to be in their own world. Violet walked over to the last man on the couch. He was laying against his  right elbow so that he was propped up to watch the T.V. and was able to eat what looked like scrambled eggs. His Hair was Ebony Black and had hints of Dark Brown in his hair. His Hair was styled long in the front with bangs that dipped over his eyes and some that hanged to his chin. He wore black flannel bottoms and had a black tank top over what seemed pale porcelain skin that carved into muscle toned arms and shoulders. In definition there wasn’t even a god who could have carved such a captive face and attitude he sat there almost unattentive to Violet but as soon as she was staring into his dark red tinted brown eyes he gulped down a bite of his eggs and gazed at her red lips almost as if to ask if he could steal a kiss. His lips were more a pale pink and He put down his fork to smile at her. “Hi…” He seemed to stumble around the very simple word. She grinned, Violet pointed at the end of the couch,….

will write more later. <3 sorry at the moment I haven’t gotten to the interesting stuff

Life

a blessing? a cruel punishement?

I guess it’s the way you look at it. It is a combination of anger, tears, smiles, love, caring, work, adventure, and a bit of lazy. We can enjoy it and suffer through it. Sometimes we loose hope and it’s all a matter of if you can pick yourself up or not. Then life can be happy and fun or just a party. Those are the times we live for and sometimes those are the times we regret. It’s all really what we do with our time. we can waste our lives away or we can live them out for what they’re worth. Love it or hate it you should consider what you have as a legacy you can make or break. I know it seems like what I am saying is Bull or just adult stuff but I lived 17 years in waste now it’s time that I think I consider the future. I don’t want to waste four years at college but I know that with the world we live in four years is what I need to survive. So what do you see in your life, what have you done that you can be proud of? Is there moments that you can look back at and still smile? Remember that a Life is fragile and when it’s gone it’s not coming back so get out there and do what you dream of.

-sorry just felt like I had to say something, everyone around me seems to regret their past or what they have right now. I feel that if they started looking up instead of down it’d be better.

Dreams:

  1. Traveling: I know it’s a common dream but I think it would be cool to go around to different states and find a cool city and stay there for a bit and meet different people and take pictures. then paint some of the views and draw a few of the faces that are interesting.
  2. Motorcycle: one that’s a sports one with a wicked paint job. <3 I know it would be a great addition to traveling and for winter time I’d keep it in the back of the pick-up
  3. no-religion: no more church for the nonreligious girl that hates the services
  4. to become an artist: acting, singing, painting, sculpting, drawing, comic writer/artist, maybe even a writer
  5. to have my own place: just a loft without anyone else, well maybe a guy once in a while but I think I’d want it to be my haven where I can rest and see the sunrise and laze around
  6. a few tattoos and an eye-brow piercing: the tattoos I think I would want the  to be special and small <3 
  7. will wirte more later… <3

I cheated?

BULL ****!!!!

I wonder how he can think that. I want to cry in a corner and put my heart away…my heart feels heavy and all I want to say is, “it’s over”. I’ve had enough of everything. He thought I had slept with someone else.I hate him! Why can’t he stop and think of what I said before.I told him once that I felt the pain of a cheat. It was like a shower of a millennium of needles crashing down on me. I never felt so much pain. No anti-depressant would be able to fix the pain. I almost killed myself because of the hurt I had inside that felt like everything was pushing out. Because of my experience I told him I would never think of giving it to another. What’s funny is he was the one that cheated on me.Why didn’t I just end it there? when he told me what he did… I wish I was stronger back then. so now I can’t reach him and I just want to get this accusation of my chest…it really does pain me. I wish that I could just tell him how I feel but I know I should do it in person. sadly the in person part won’t work out ‘till after next week. So here I wait in this bubble of tears. Love is grand isn’t it? so joyous even though it pains so much. It really is like a garden of roses. you want to pick a rose but in the end all you get is red hands from the thorns.

-When can I stop picking thorns out of my hands? It seems I will be doing this for the rest of my life… crawls into bed to hibernate for the rest of her life.

“Sounds like you’ve fallen out of love”

I almost shuddered at what my friend had said that day, but I knew he was right. All the events beforehand and after re-assured what he had said.This is what brings me to tears and confusion. I keep thinking i need to break Us…but I might as well have said that I need to climb Mt.Everest without a coat. We’ve been together for two years and the first year was a thriller but i realized over time that there were problems. I mean we were happy and then he cheated which left a dent in our relationship. I now can say that staying with him was a mistake. I only say this because the cheat went from a dent into a hole that took away the whole of our love. It was never the same after that. I know he’s pained from it but I feel like a donkey being dragged across a desert full of sharp shards of rock. Every moment slipped away slowly and at the two year mark I noticed that a kiss to me was like a faint touch of two mouths and nothing more. I felt no love in the kisses. I felt no love in our hugs. I felt no love in Lemons. Now I feel like there’s a dread in me. I knew this was coming as I started to notice that I felt he was more like a friend. I don’t want to break his heart…because I still care for him as a friend would. However, I know that if I stick with this situation my mind will rot like a strawberry out in the heat of a puddle. So with this I know I need to suck up the courage to face this and tell him how I feel but with every moment I think I get more afraid. I want to be gentle but how can you be gentle if the other is head over heals?

People I Follow

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